I was honored to be at the Postpartum Support International Dinner last night. If you are not aware of their mission check out their site here. I was inspired and in awe of so many people there who are working towards a world in which postpartum women:

• who ‘know’ and admit there is something wrong are not further traumatised by having their feelings minimised or dismissed when they reach out for help.
• do not feel so alone in their confusion when they feel unable to cope with what they believe to be natural and instinctive process that only they “don’t get”.
• do not further ‘beat themselves up’ for having feelings of inadequacy or confusion
• are able to address what their feelings are telling them about themselves, instead of reprimanding themselves for not feeling the way they are ‘supposed’ to feel.

Stories are powerful.
The way we tell them is powerful.
The way we respond to them is powerful.

I heard stories last night that inspired me with the knowledge that women who had similar life experiences are acting as mentors to others in these situations.

I also heard time and time again how women *knew* something was ‘off’ and they felt minimised when they reached out for help. IF they reached out. Some couldn’t get bring themselves to admit they felt alone or needed help. Their cultural training led them to believe that if they needed help they were not worthy of being mothers, or that they were just ungrateful for the blessing of a child.

The ‘lucky’ moms were supported and moved through those feelings via various techniques to come to a new level of healthy. Too many were dismissed, belittled, or minimized when they shared their stories. In many cases they were reminded to “count their blessings” or “get a mother’s helper” – both of which seem like helpful advice, but can further support the reality of a mom who sees herself as incapable of coping.

This led to a spiral of feeling inadequate, questioning one’s sanity, and a feeling of powerlessness. Most even started dismissing their OWN feelings that something was ‘off’.

Why does a community or family support network deny women the help they need – even when theyadmit they need help? 
I heard many possible answers to this question last night… I am sure there are many more.
Women have historically been:

• led to believe that if they feel inadequate they just don’t have enough self-esteem
• living in fear that if they admit they feel incapable, their children will be removed from their care
• chastised for not feeling blessed when ‘others have it worse’ 

All of these patterns (and more) are often related to a disconnect or an actual denial of the worthiness of our feelings. If we have not accepted the myth that our feelings are unworthy of attention, we feel conflicted.

To get beyond the conflict we have to honor our own emotions enough to insist we are heard.

Even if only by ourselves at first.

How can we keep from minimising our feelings of inadequacy even if others are supporting that reality?