Last week’s post about discouraging babies seems to have struck a nerve in a pretty big way. If you missed it, you can still click here to read it. Maybe I shouldn’t have been too surprised since impolite and unhealthy self-talk is a recurring theme at Mindset Creator workshops. The most interesting thing about that is MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT AWARE they are treating themselves badly when they beat themselves up and talk down to themselves. Ask them if they would speak to a friend like they talk to themselves, and they are appalled at the thought.     One way to tell if you are guilty of unhealthy self-talk is to tell your story to yourself and listen as if a friend were telling you the story. You may hear things you disagree with or think should have been done differently. The question is – what do you say to yourself about it? Is it less kind than anything you would say to a friend telling you the SAME story?           

How do you know if you are engaging in unhealthy self-talk?

When you struggle do you:

• Belittle your own efforts?
• Treat yourself differently than you would treat a friend struggling with the same challenge?
• Talk to yourself as if everything you want to do is (of course) impossible, even though others can do the same thing?

How do you stop when you are in the habit of treating yourself unkindly?

As an active mindset creator you can choose to: 

• Encourage yourself the way you would encourage a friend.
• Listen to your own story and respond to as kindly as you would respond to someone else.
• Empathise with yourself, and try imagining that what you want to do is possible. Talk about what it would be like if you could imagine it.

Keep in mind that imagining what is possible is not necessarily the same thing as ‘positive thinking’ where you repeat things you do not (yet!) believe, hoping they will become true. Instead of just saying “I know I can do this” when you already doubt yourself (and then getting angry with yourself for lying to you!), you might try “I can imagine what it will be like to be successful and that will look like _____.”  You are taking your dream out of the realm of impossible – and one more excuse for negative self-talk — into the imagine realm, where you imagine supporting yourself in a positive way and imagine what it will be like when you do it. Some people find that the simple shift into ‘I can imagine’ talk makes a big difference in their motivation.Listen to yourself as you would listen to a friend. Treat you as kindly as you would treat them. If you find you are treating your friend in the mirror badly, you might find that some simple energy balancing exercises like those in the Free Balancing Act Kit help. Create your ideal mindset from a place of balance and clarity — (click here to get it if you haven’t already done this!) and join myself and other mindset creators at a workshop or webinar.If you have a story about how mindset shifts have changed your life please send it to me along with your wish to keep it either private, anonymous, or shared to inspire.Lorilori@MindsetCreator.com