Last month I went on several adventures – one was to a family reunion where I was able to do some reading, just hang out with family, and reconnect with several people I have not seen in years. I enjoy my family – I came by my adventuresome spirit honestly and they are a great group of people.Since I was with an adventuresome group, I was not surprised when part of the group decided to set up a rafting trip down the Nantahala river.

The most fascinating part of the trip for me was hearing everyone tell others about the trip. What did they focus on when telling others about the trip? Did they see it as an adventure, did they see themselves as pioneers, or victims?

How is it possible that people who took the same trip tell such different versions of it?  Why do some people feel they had an adventure, and others see it as a failed trip?

Expectations.

If you are expecting tubing (floaty relaxation), and get rafting (cold wet work), you are possibly not going to be as happy with the trip. If you feel other people’s opinions formed your ideas about the trip, you might now know that your idea of fun and theirs do not match. The interesting thing was that people who felt they made an informed decision were not happy that they ended up where they did, and they were mostly angry at themselves for not insisting they just wanted a leisurely trip. Their expectation had far more to do with their feeling it was a failed trip than the actual experience.

That experience so closely matched the story of one of my clients from the week before, and is the topic of this month’s call. Before our call my client was angry that she had said yes to things that she would not have normally said yes to, knowing what she knows now, and especially since she just felt too tired and afraid to say no at the time. She was expecting the team she hired to protect her from the stuck places, and she felt they played on her fears to get her to agree to things she had not intended to agree to. She thought they were working for her, and she decided that for them it was about checking boxes and filling out forms correctly. She felt betrayed. But she had also silently held onto the frustration for years, feeling it was mostly her fault for not asking more questions, standing up for herself, just being more… everything.

After our session she was able to view these experiences through a new point of view – they still happened and she learned a lot, but she no longer felt victimized by her own decisions. She felt more at peace with the decisions she made and why she made them. It had been decades – she had held onto this frustration silently for that long.

Maybe when preparing for your birth you made decisions that led to consequences you were not happy with, but you felt you had to ‘suck it up’ since you did play a role in deciding? Do you now feel at peace with that decision, or do you still feel frustrated that your:

• choice of location
• caregiver you hired
• level of knowledge about birth and your body
• fear of hurting your baby

mean you had a less-than-ideal experience?

Do you feel you failed somehow , and do you blame yourself?

Think about your birth – if you have given birth more than once pick one.
Don’t delve into it deeply, just think for a very short moment about whether you would change anything about that birth if you could ‘go back’ and do it again. If you have any anger or frustration surrounding that birth, if you decided on a plan that didn’t go as planned, if you felt betrayed by your experience in any way, remember to speak to, empathise, and support yourself as you would a friend.  Then join me on Tuesday’s call to work through and release that anger or frustration.

The way a woman feels about her birth(s), even many years later, is incredibly powerful and can affect so much of her life on a level she may not even recognize. 

If you feel like you have some frustration, anger, or sadness surrounding your birth(s), you might find that some simple energy balancing exercises like those in the Tips and Tools for Postpartum Peace (the next day or a half-century later) booklet help. Next time you tell your birth story, tell it from a place of balance and clarity — (click here to get it if you haven’t already done this!) and join me at a workshop or webinar.

If you have a story about how your birth plan, birth, or postpartum changed your life I would love to hear from you — send it to me along with your wish to keep it either private, anonymous, or shared to inspire.

Lori
Lori@BirthingPeaceWithin.com